THE SHIT WINE GUIDE

The Global Wine Academy

An education of unreasonable depth.

Masterclasses, executive programmes and professional certification in the advanced discipline of appreciation.

The Academy

Founded in 2017. Fully enrolled since 2018.

The Global Wine Academy offers ten courses and six qualifications, from a one-day Masterclass to the nine-month Executive Wine Intelligence Programme and the eighteen-month professional certification.

Teaching is delivered by the Institution’s executive faculty at the Lower Ashmere campus and, in remote symposium form, to every continent with a reliable connection. Every course concludes with a period of reflective silence, assessed.

A tasting room at the Academy

Qualification levels

Six rungs, one ladder

  1. Level 1Certificate in Appreciation (CAA)
  2. Level 2Diploma in Applied Appreciation (DAA)
  3. Level 3Advanced Diploma in Palate Intelligence
  4. Level 4Professional Certificate in Wine Assessment
  5. Level 5Certified Professional in Wine Credibility (CPWC)
  6. MasterMagister of Palate Governance (MPG)

The Course Catalogue

Ten courses of considerable ambition

Filter by qualification level.

Level 1

Foundations of Advanced Appreciation

An introduction to the discipline of considered appreciation, covering the vocabulary of confidence, the correct manner of holding a glass and the art of saying nothing for eleven seconds.

Duration
6 weeks
Format
Part-time · Remote Symposium
Qualification
Certificate in Appreciation (CAA)
Programme Director
Dr. Ines Valdespino-Marlowe
Entry requirements & learning outcomes

Entry requirements. None; a general willingness to hold a glass is assumed.

  • Hold a glass with institutional poise
  • Deploy ten adjectives without apparent effort
  • Observe a silence of not less than eleven seconds
Level 3

The Science of Disappointment

A rigorous exploration of the mechanics of disappointment, from expectation formation to the Overall Disappointment Index. Students conduct controlled experiments on themselves.

Duration
12 weeks
Format
Part-time · Residential Weekends
Qualification
Advanced Diploma (Distinction available)
Entry requirements & learning outcomes

Entry requirements. Completion of Level 2; prior experience of at least one disappointing bottle.

  • Calculate an Overall Disappointment Index in Dregs
  • Distinguish expectation from hope
  • Design a replicable disappointing experience
Executive

Executive Wine Intelligence Programme

An immersive programme for senior leaders, combining intelligence frameworks, positioning strategy and structured silence. Participants complete a capstone dashboard presented to the Council.

Duration
9 months
Format
Cohort of 24 · Residential
Qualification
Executive Certificate in Wine Intelligence
Programme Director
Dr. Anselm Voskuijlen
Entry requirements & learning outcomes

Entry requirements. Senior role in an organisation that uses the word “portfolio.”

  • Construct an executive intelligence dashboard
  • Lead a structured silence in a boardroom
  • Present a capstone before the Council
Level 2

The Graduated Sniff Laboratory

A practical laboratory in the three-stage sniff: the Courtesy, the Considered and the Concluding. Students progress from sniffing to repeating it with conviction.

Duration
8 weeks
Format
Part-time · Laboratory Residency
Qualification
Diploma in Applied Olfaction
Entry requirements & learning outcomes

Entry requirements. Foundations of Advanced Appreciation or equivalent.

  • Perform the Graduated Sniff to Standard 22.1
  • Express aroma complexity in NIU
  • Identify a Courtesy Sniff at ten paces
Level 2

Advanced Wine Terminology & Pronouncement

A study of the advanced lexicon, with particular attention to “length,” “line,” “tension” and “quiet authority.” Students learn to use each without being asked what it means.

Duration
10 weeks
Format
Part-time · Remote Symposium
Qualification
Diploma in Terminology
Entry requirements & learning outcomes

Entry requirements. Foundations of Advanced Appreciation.

  • Use eighty specialist terms in a single paragraph
  • Pronounce regional names with justified confidence
  • Defend a term when challenged, politely
Executive

International Wine Leadership Seminar

Five days of intensive leadership development, including Strategic Pausing, the Doctrine of Measured Response and a closing dinner at which no wine is discussed.

Duration
5 days
Format
Residential · Lower Ashmere
Qualification
Seminar Certificate (Executive)
Programme Director
Hartley Fenwick-Adeyemi
Entry requirements & learning outcomes

Entry requirements. Current leadership role; nomination by an existing Member.

  • Apply the Doctrine of Measured Response
  • Chair a meeting of eleven people in silence
  • Lead a closing dinner without referring to the wine
Level 4

Structural Integrity Analysis for Practitioners

The advanced study of body, acidity, tannin and balance as structural properties, with practical examination of how much a wine can bear.

Duration
14 weeks
Format
Part-time · Laboratory Residency
Qualification
Professional Certificate (Level 4)
Entry requirements & learning outcomes

Entry requirements. Advanced Diploma or equivalent professional experience.

  • Perform a complete Structural Integrity Analysis
  • Report in SIR with defensible decimals
  • Assess a wine’s capacity to support its label
Level 2

The Art of the Meaningful Pause

A short, intensive course in the strategic use of silence, covering the half-pause, the full pause and the Pause of Deep Consideration, which is not recommended for beginners.

Duration
4 weeks
Format
Part-time · Remote Symposium
Qualification
Certificate in Silent Evaluation
Entry requirements & learning outcomes

Entry requirements. None.

  • Deliver a Pause of Deep Consideration
  • Interpret the pauses of others
  • Recover from a pause that has gone on too long
Level 5

Certified Professional in Wine Credibility (CPWC)

The Academy’s flagship professional qualification. Candidates complete six modules, a portfolio of 40 assessments and a viva voce before three Assessors, the middle of whom does not speak.

Duration
18 months
Format
Part-time · Residential Blocks
Qualification
Certified Professional in Wine Credibility (CPWC)
Entry requirements & learning outcomes

Entry requirements. Advanced Diploma, two years’ practice and two professional referees who have not been told what it is for.

  • Complete a portfolio of 40 assessments
  • Pass a viva voce before three Assessors
  • Hold the post-nominal CPWC with conviction
Masterclass

Masterclass: Reading a Label Without Believing It

A single, concentrated day examining the language of labels, from “reserve” to “selection” to “a wine of character.” Participants learn to read all of it and believe none.

Duration
1 day
Format
In person · Lower Ashmere
Qualification
Masterclass Attendance Certificate
Programme Director
Baptiste Ormsby-Kaczmarek
Entry requirements & learning outcomes

Entry requirements. Open to all Members.

  • Decode twelve common label phrases
  • Distinguish a promise from a typeface
  • Retain a healthy scepticism, in comfortable quantities

Enrolment

Apply

Applications are open to Members of every tier. Non-members may apply, and will be encouraged to join.

Faculty

Teaching is led by the Institution’s executives, each of whom has been briefed on what a lecture is.

Certification

Qualifications are awarded by the Academy in the Institution’s own name. They are not accredited by any external body, and are on that account extremely independent.

Review membership tiersMeet the faculty